So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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