She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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