$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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