Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
