is your mom at the bar?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
