New invention idea: vibrating tampons
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
