drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
