so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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