man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
