We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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