Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize