it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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