You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
