It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
did i walk over a car last night?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
