remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
