No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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