genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
