yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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