He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
