she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
