I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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