just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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