i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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