Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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