Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
