Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
