chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Randomize
