I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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