I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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