Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize