I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
