i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
