he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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