K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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