apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
