I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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