We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize