Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are my feet made of real feet?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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