another moral hangover. fuck.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
