why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize