we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
