Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
