i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
