And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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