Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
