i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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