some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
