I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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