I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize