Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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