I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
