I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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