i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
