So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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