I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
