If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
