I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just gargled with NyQuil
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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