I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
