i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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