I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
where are my eyebrows?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
