tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
