um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
