This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
