if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
