one word: firstdatebathroomanal
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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