mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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