He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
